A Spiraling Mind

I have a logical voice in my head, and she’s loud. She weighs pros and cons, carefully considers choices, and she is financially conscious.

There is an equally feisty adventurous voice who has been more talkative lately… she desperately wants to take off with no plans of return, and she has a strong sense that everything will work out, as it always does.

Today I started packing for my 3 month trip to Europe (Spain, Portugal, Croatia, & Greece). And my little logical cherub twisted herself into a knot of anxiety and lost her shit. Thus began a duel in my mind.

Logic sputtered and fired off questions, and Adventure answered calmly and confidently.

She asked…

Am I crazy for doing this?! (Yeah, probably. They say if your dreams don’t scare you, you’re not dreaming big enough.)

What if I get serious knee pain and can’t even finish the Camino? (Well, then you hang out in Spain and you do it again another time. It’s not going anywhere.)

What if I spend way more money than I’m budgeting for? (You’ve been a diligent saver your whole life, you’ll be fine.)

But what if I spend ALL my money? (It’s just money.. it comes and goes.)

What if I can’t find a Workaway project when I get to Portugal? (Then it wasn’t meant to be, and there will be a different opportunity.)

What if other opportunities don’t present themselves? (They will.)

What if I still don’t know what I want to do when I return?! (You’ll figure it out when you’re meant to.)

What if I can’t find a job when I get back? (You have a point there.)

What if the universe doesn’t hear me and doesn’t provide? (Just. Trust.)

What if? What if? What if?

So who wins?

My Logical side has been dictating for many years now- saving money, moving from one stable job to another, considering my future.

My Adventurous side has been benched for awhile (sorry boo)– waiting for Covid to simmer down, waiting to quit an exhausting job, waiting for the right time to shine. Homegirl has been patient, but now she stands the fuck up and asks…

But what if this is the best thing you’ve ever done?

And there’s finally silence in my head.

Logic has lost. I may be crazy, but damn, I can’t think of one good story that starts with, “So I decided to make the safe, responsible choice…”